This article is less related to technology and more personal but still relatable to my desire to build a software career and make something great.

It is a follow-up to my last year's post about gaming. I've restarted my subscription to final fantasy 14, and whoosh, my life completely stopped again.

Before resubscribing, I started looking at videos online and reading about the game updates. Reading about gaming every day built up a desire, and I told myself that I could begin to play only a few hours a week.

My playtime was ok at first, but every time I had the opportunity to play for longer periods, I did. It didn't take long before all I wanted was to play the game. I had a 15 reading week streak on my Kindle before, and now I couldn't pick up a book. I had appointments to take, but they felt like the end of the world to make. My job responsibilities were the only things I could manage, but outside I had no more will to do anything else than gaming.

The more I procrastinated, the more guilt and shame I felt, the more I wanted to play—eternal hell circle jerking.

So this is why I quit for good. No more can I say that I can play a few hours a week casually. It's not possible for me. There are responsibilities that I need to take, and my gaming addiction prevents me from being happy as soon as I have a responsibility to take care outside of my game. This feeling is not sustainable long term, and I want to do what is necessary to not feel like that again.

I also want my time in something more meaningful. I am lucky enough to have built up excellent expertise in software development. I want to use my time and mental energy towards building up on that goal.